From time to time the question is raised whether there is only one possible ground for divorce. Especially in our day when so many couples are unhappily married and seek a divorce, and the courts are so ready to grant legal separation on various grounds, rather than on the ground of fornication, the question asserts itself, is there only one Biblical ground for divorce?
In speaking of this one ground we obviously have in mind the sin of adultery, or fornication, as it is called in Matthew 5:31, 32, and in Matthew 19:9. In both of these passages Jesus stresses that when God instituted marriage in paradise He made this a bond that cannot be broken, except by death. Yet the sin of unfaithfulness is such a horrible sin, that plays such havoc upon the intimacy of the marital union, that the guilty party often wants no reconciliation, and the offended party finds it extremely difficult, if not impossible, to forgive and forget. The hardness of our human heart disrupts and often refuses to restore the marital harmony. Therefore Jesus speaks of one sin that can be reason for a man to put away his wife, or for a wife to put away her husband. In Matthew 5 our Lord teaches us, “that every one that putteth away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, maketh her an adulteress.” And in Matthew 19:9 He tells us that, “Whosoever shall put away his wife, except for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery.”
Even though this should be conclusive, often another ground is sought, and that on the basis of Scripture. Thus, for example, the Westminster Confession of Faith states in chapter 24, article 6, that there is also another possible ground for divorce. There we read:
“Although the corruption of man be such as is apt to study arguments unduly to put asunder those whom God hath joined together in marriage; yet, nothing but adultery, or such wilful desertion as can in no way be remedied by the Church, or civil magistrate, is cause sufficient of dissolving the bond of marriage; wherein a public and orderly course of proceeding is to be observed; and the persons concerned in it not left to their own wills, and discretion, in their own case.”
We notice in this article, first, that two causes are mentioned as sufficient reason for divorce, adultery and willful desertion. Second, that these two causes are referred to as cause sufficient of dissolving the marriage bond, as if that bond no longer exists. I intend to refer to this again later.
Willful desertion is considered to be a sufficient cause for dissolving the marriage bond on the basis of I Corinthians 7:15, where we read, “Yet if the unbelieving departeth, let him depart: the brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.”
It should be evident to the discerning reader that no mention whatever is made in the text of divorce or of dissolving the marriage bond. The text speaks only of separation. Anything else is only a conclusion drawn from the text. And let me add that the bondage mentioned in the text cannot refer to the bond of marriage, for marriage is never a bondage.
In the context, Paul is speaking of the sanctity and permanence of the unbreakable marriage bond.
He refers, first of all, to what the Lord said about marriage and divorce in Matthew 5:31, 32.* The law of Moses is very severe, demanding that an adulterer should be put to death, so that the marriage bond was broken by the death of the guilty party. But the Jews had found a loophole in the passage of Deuteronomy 24:1-4. A man could put away his wife for any unjust or silly reason, so they taught, as long as he gave her a bill of divorcement. This Jesus condemns in no uncertain terms, demanding that a man must not put away his wife, but live with her in the fear of the Lord. Jesus allows for only one possible reason for putting away a wife or leaving a husband, and that is if the mate is guilty of adultery, or, as it is called here, fornication.
Paul refers, secondly, to Matthew 19:9, where the matter of divorce is once more brought up by the Lord. Again the Lord condemns the ruthless attitude of the Pharisees that allowed a man to put away his wife for any reason he might invent. Jesus points out that when God instituted marriage in paradise no allowance was made for separation. God brings two individuals together, binds them in the holy bond of marriage and thus they are no more two individuals, but they are one, both physically and psychologically. As believers they are even one spiritually in the Lord. Now Moses did not change the original institution of marriage, as Christ makes clear. It was only because of the hardness of the human heart, the refusal to forgive the unfaithful mate who sought to return, or the refusal to repent and forsake one’s sin, that Moses allowed a divorcement. But from the beginning it was not so. Thereupon Jesus adds that the only possible reason for divorce is the terrible, faithless sin of adultery, and the refusal to put away that sin.
Paul, now in I Corinthians 7, verse 11, goes on to say that if a wife deserts her husband, she is obligated before the Lord to remain unmarried, or return to her husband. Under any and all circumstances a wife is subject to her husband as long as he lives. This is corroborated in Romans 7:2, 3. Therefore the husband may in no instance put away his wife. If she is guilty of unfaithfulness, he must be ready and willing to be reconciled with her. Since marriage is a picture of the eternal union between Christ and His church, which cannot be broken, marriage is an indissoluble bond, which can only be dissolved by the death of one of the parties.
In verse 12 Paul introduces another related subject. There were instances in the early church, where the one life-mate came to conversion and faith in Jesus Christ, while the other remained an unbeliever. Through no fault of theirs a barrier had arisen between them. Paul urges the believing husband to continue to live with his unbelieving wife, if she is content to dwell with him. On the other hand, the believing wife should also remain with her husband as long as he is content to live with her. This undoubtedly created all kinds of difficulties, since their language, their ambitions and goals, their friends and associates, their very walk of life would be quite different, yet as long as they could peaceably live together they should do so. Later, in verse 16, Paul adds, “For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?” Peter also urges god-fearing wives to be subject to their own husbands, that “they also without the word be won by the conversation of the wives.” (I Peter 3:1). The believing husband or wife need not be concerned that the unbelief of the partner will prevent the believing mate from being in the line of the covenant. The covenant line will continue through the believer, for the unbelieving husband is sanctified by his wife, and vice versa, “else were your children unclean, but now they are holy.” (verse 15).
In verse 16 Paul faces the possibility that the unbeliever will not want to continue to live with the believing mate because of the radical change that has come between them. In that case, Scripture teaches us, “If the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.”
That the brother or sister is not under bondage cannot and must not be taken to mean that the marriage bond is broken. The marriage bond is not bondage. The bondage that is meant here is the bondage of sin and guilt that might deprive the believer of a good conscience and peace with God. The believing wife might feel that she is to blame for the division between them. She might be tempted to leave the church or compromise her principles, in order to keep her mate from leaving her. This she must not do at any cost. The unbelieving husband who forsakes her on account of her faith is guilty of desertion. But this cannot be considered a ground for divorce. Let him depart, Scripture admonishes the believing wife, but let her always keep the way open for his return and a reconciliation.
There is but one ground for divorce, and that is fornication. Yet even so this must not be considered a breaking of the marriage bond. The guilty party may be prevented from returning to the home of his spouse as long as he continues in sin, but that which God has joined together let not man put asunder. The way of reconciliation must always be left open as long as both parties live. Therefore marital separation and divorce must always be considered a very serious matter, because marriage is a holy, divine institution. Disrupting the harmony of that marital bond bears its bitter consequences for the husband and the wife who are separated, but far worse consequences for the children that are deprived of father or mother, and the love and care they so sorely need. The original cause for the very thought of separation lies in sin that destroys the harmony. This sin must be discovered and rooted out. That is the only real solution to any marital problem. The solution certainly does not lie in the direction of heaping one sin upon another – first disharmony, then separation, then a legal divorce, than a desire to marry someone else, while the first sin lies unconfessed upon the conscience and untold misery has arisen out of it. How wonderful that husband and wife, who are both sinners, may meet at the foot of the cross to show mercy and forgiveness, even as God in Christ has forgiven them.
*For a more thorough exposition of this and other passages of Scripture mentioned in this article I refer you to “Marriage”, by Rev. D. Engelsma.