In the Gospel that bears his name John refers to himself at least five times as “the disciple whom Jesus loved.”

Some think that Jesus chose His disciples from those whom He regarded as good kingdom mate­rial. Was that why He chose John? Did John’s ap­pealing nature draw him to Jesus? Is there some natural attraction in us as young members of His church that makes us worthy and fit to be His dis­ciples? Our covenant home? Our natural qualities?

Did John himself think that Jesus loved him for what he was, or loved him more than He loved the other disciples? Or was the fact that Jesus loved him such a marvel to him that he considered it a special privilege to refer to himself in that way?

It is true that there was a strong bond of at­tachment between Jesus and this disciple, and that he did indeed love his Lord very dearly. Jesus some­times called him aside, with Peter and his brother James, as a special eye witness of some significant event in His ministry. These three were present on the Mount of Transfiguration and saw Moses and Elijah conversing with the Lord. At the Last Sup­per John sat to the right of Jesus and conversed freely with Him. On the night of the betrayal Jesus requested him, and also Peter and James, to ac­company Him into the garden of Gethsemane and to watch while He prayed.

His strong attachment to his Lord became evident especially when he followed at a distance as Jesus was led away as a prisoner. He stood with the soldiers during the trial before Annas, anxiously awaiting the outcome. He was the only disciple present at the cross. He was there with Jesus’ mother, and was given charge of Mary by Jesus before He died. John accompanied Peter to the open tomb on the morning of the resurrection, and was the first one to believe that the Lord was risen from the dead. He experienced the martyrdom of his brother James by Herod for the sake of the gospel. He wrote the fourth Gospel and also three epistles that bear his name. He was banished to the island of Patmos where he saw the wonderful revelations of the future as they are recorded in the Book of Revelation. Because of his emphasis on love in his epistles he is often referred to as “the apostle of love.”

By the time that John wrote his three epistles he had learned a very important lesson that was engraved upon his soul and he desired to impress upon us, “Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins” (I John 4:10).

John was not naturally such a gentle and lov­able person. The gospel accounts give us an en­tirely different picture of him. When Jesus called him and his brother away from the fish nets and ordained them to be included with the twelve dis­ciples to be taught and sent out to preach, we read in Mark 3:17: “And He (Jesus) surnamed them Boanerges, which is, “The sons of Thunder.’” This can only mean that these rugged fishermen had volatile temperament, which they had to learn to control.

On one occasion his mistaken zeal brought him into trouble with his Lord. John was deeply offended when he saw a man who was not one of the twelve casting out devils in Jesus’ name. Without further investigation and in no uncertain terms he com­manded the man to cease. When he reported this to Jesus, the Lord rebuked him, saying, “Forbid him not, for he that is not against us is for us” (Luke 9:49,50).

On another occasion Jesus rebuked both John and James for wanting to call fire down from heaven upon the Samaritans who refused to give Jesus and His disciples lodging. They fumed with rage. That was no way to treat their Master, Whose mighty works were known far and wide, refusing Him lodging because He was going to Jerusalem. They felt themselves justified in wanting to destroy these offenders, even as Elijah had done. But Jesus looked squarely at them and said, “Ye know not what manner of spirit ye are of.” They still had much to learn.

It must have grieved our Lord that they still did not understand that He was the Man of sorrows, the suffering Servant, appointed to suffer and to die to atone for the sins of His people. Whatever He did, He never used His divine power for His per­sonal advantage or vengeance (Luke 9:51-56). (How often we make ourselves guilty of grieving Him!)

These brothers also had some strong personal ambitions for their future. They shared these with their mother Salome, who was a devoted follower of Jesus, even accompanying Him at times to serve Him. She might have been with them when they asked for positions of honor in Jesus’ future king­dom, one on each side of His throne. This request was made, mind you, at a time when Jesus was telling them of His approaching death and the ac­companying suffering as the way into His kingdom.

James and John were thinking of an earthly kingdom and desired the foremost places of honor on an earthly throne. Jesus could have sighed, “O fools and slow of heart to understand!” Yet He pa­tiently (what a patience!) asked them whether they were able to drink the cup and undergo the bap­tism of suffering that awaited Him? They confidently confessed: “We are able.”

Likely they were pledging loyalty to their King. On the day when He would exercise His divine au­thority, relieve the Roman authorities of their power and drive the scribes and Pharisees out of the temple, in order to set up His rightful throne in Jerusalem, they, with drawn swords, would stand with Him in the front line of battle. Jesus makes no comment on their mistaken notion, but does assure them that they will indeed undergo suffer­ing for His sake. Yet the prerogative to give them a place of honor in His kingdom was not His to give, but belongs to the Father (Mark 10:35-39).

We see that John was a man of like passions as we are. He also was by nature depraved, inclined to all evil and incapable of any good. Yet Jesus per­formed on him the wonder of grace whereby he later confesses: “We love Him, because He first loved us” (I John 4:19). That motivated the apostle to refer to himself as “the disciple whom Jesus loved.” He marveled that he should be the object of a love that was so great that Christ would lay down His life for him and bring him into, not a mere earthly, but His heavenly kingdom. He did not lose his fiery zeal and determination, but these were directed into the channel of an eternal love and devotion to his Lord. He was made the apostle of love by the grace of God.

We can be so obsessed with our mistaken no­tions. Christ does not choose likely candidates for His kingdom, but rather the most unlikely, the most unworthy and unfit, to transform them into His likeness, that they may be fit instruments in His hands to His glory!

This can only humble us before Him. We recog­nize our own weaknesses and sins. Of ourselves we are not, and never can be worthy nor fit instru­ments of God in His kingdom. Only grace, merited through the death of His only begotten Son on the cross, can fit us for our own unique place in His church and kingdom. And that place we need not choose, for God has determined it for us from eter­nity. Christ is now preparing us for that place, and that place for us. When it is ready He will take us unto Himself that we may be where He is (John 14:1-3).

“Mindful of our human frailty

 is the Lord in Whom we trust;

He Whose years are everlasting,

He remembers we are dust.”

Our daily prayer must always be: “Wash me, make me pure within; cleanse, o cleanse me from my sin. Use me now as a fit instrument in Thy hand for the coming of Thy kingdom and thus pre­pare me for my own place to Thy glory.”

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Rev. Hanko is a retired minister of the Protestant Reformed Churches. He lives in Hudsonville, Michigan and is a member of Hudsonville Protestant Reformed Church.