There comes a time in the life of a young man that he goes out to seek a life mate for himself. This is quite natural, for when God created us He said, “It is not good that man should be alone, I will make him a help meet for him.’’ There is nothing sinful or improper about this going out to seek a mate. This natural drive may even be spiritually motivated. A serious son of the church is not merely interested in finding a mate, but realizes that he needs a companion and a helper to carry out his calling in God’s church. To fulfill his Christian stewardship he needs the comfort of his own home, the help of his wife, and the intimate love and fellowship of his family. Thus the desire to marry can be as holy as the holy institution of marriage itself.

Marriage, as we saw before, is the intimate bond of love that unites two persons and molds them together as one for life. We can think of this bond as a beautiful, variegated cord made up of three strands. We shall have occasion to refer to this in more detail later, but at this point I will only mention that the threefold strand is so tightly interwoven that it cannot be broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:12). There is, first of all, the physical, outward strand, or bond. A young man finds a certain young lady very attractive. It may be her figure, her hair, her eyes, her dress that appeals to him. It may be her smile, the glint of her eye, or her romantic fun loving disposition that appeals to him. This in itself is a new experience for him. Kindergarten children talk freely about the girl or the boy they like and intend to marry. Thereupon follows a stage when a boy would not look at a girl, much less be seen talking to her. What boy likes girls anyway? They are silly, fussy, and much more. A girl refuses to sit next to a boy if he is contaminated. What girl likes boys? Especially if that boy happens to be her brother or the boy sitting across from her in school. If she notices him at all she pulls up her nose. Then suddenly mother notices that her son takes a bath without being told. He is suddenly concerned about the clothing he wears. He stands in front of the mirror for a long time worrying his hair into some unnatural position. Or else it is daughter who wants to wear her best clothing to an outing, takes a month’s supply of clothing along for a four-day convention, runs the comb through her long locks at every opportunity. Father and mother wisely look the other way, but both now realize why John does not hear when he is spoken to, and why Mary has that far away look.

There is also a psychological attrac­tion of the sexes. Mary is a kind, sweet girl. She is a lot of fun. She also plays the piano well. John may have known her for years, may have lived almost next door to her and attended the same school with her. Now suddenly he realizes that she is alive, even though in times past he was as blind as a bat to her pleasant smiles intended only for him. Mary, on the other hand, likes John. He is a brain. He is also good at sports. And he has nice hair. People tend to say that, “Love is blind, and lovers cannot see the petty follies they themselves commit.” I tend to think that when it comes to looking each other over and sizing up each other, both sexes have their eyes wide open. It has been said, that people should keep both eyes wide open before marriage, and do well to keep one closed after marriage. There is wisdom in that. In this connection it should be said that opposites attract. God in His wisdom brings two persons together who will serve perfectly as a balance wheel for each other. The one may be impetuous; speaking, acting before he thinks. The other may weigh her words and actions carefully. (Imagine what would happen if they were both alike!) The one may tend to be pessimis­tic, the other can see the rainbow in the cloud. One may be an introvert, the other may carry her heart on her coat sleeve. The one may tend to be miserly, the other may be too extravagant. Sub-consciously the one is drawn to the other as by a magnetic attraction to fill in the lack in his or her own life.

The marriages in the world consist of these two strands, the physical and the psychological, no more. Even in that respect man is usually a poor judge of himself, as well as a poor judge of others, readily influenced by outward, sexual appeal. The result is, that though from a natural and a legal* point of view these are real marriages, they still are only caricatures of the genuine holy marital union. The important spiritual strand is missing. The strongest tie of all is lacking, so that the other two are readily strained to a breaking point.

The spiritual strand is the bond that unites two people In the Lord. The Lord brings them together in His favor. The love of Christ in our hearts draws us to those who love the Lord. A Christian young man seeks his companion in the church, simply from the principle, “Thy people are my people, and thy God is my God.” Even though his sinful flesh may be drawn for a moment to outward appearance and the vivacious lure of an unbeliever, his heart tells him that this is no good, is sinful in the sight of God. A sincere believer is a companion to those who seek the Lord, while, on the other hand, his heart tells him, “Do I not hate them, O Lord, that hate Thee? I hate them with a perfect hatred. I count them my enemies.” One who loves the Lord avoids anyone who takes God’s name in vain or uses foul language. He loathes the entertainment relished by sinners. Anyone who takes his faith seriously cannot condone defiance of those who are in authority, endangering one’s life by reckless driving, or any experimenting with liquor, drugs, gamb­ling, or the like. The child of God is drawn to one who speaks his language in

spiritual matters, who enjoys with him the things of God’s kingdom. This spiritual bond proves to be the sustaining, molding power in their married life, the gyroscope of their ship in stormy seas, the compass that keeps them on a straight course to the Haven of Rest.

Seeking a life mate is a serious matter. Young men should not play the field to see how many girls will fall victims to their charm, how many shattered hearts and broken hopes they can leave along their trail before they settle down. The young woman should not strive for undue popularity, trying to see how many scalps she can collect in her belt before she marries. Dating is not a frivolous game that can be played without doing serious damage to some innocent victim. It has happened many times that after an unfortunate love affair a young man grabbed the first girl he could get, or the young woman threw herself at some undesirable person, perhaps just for spite, maybe in desperation. The outcome was a very unhappy marriage. Who is the culprit who should carry the blame? Human emotions are not playthings. Making love is not a sport. One may well remember the golden rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” There is nothing worse for a young person than to be “stood up,” or plainly, to have been made the fool.

I do think that a young man may ask a girl for a casual date for the purpose of making better acquaintance. Young people in high school especially should not take their dating too seriously. They have plenty of time for that in the future. They should also remember that they are undergoing a tremendous physical and psychological change, as well as spiritual growth. More advanced education often changes a person’s outlook on life, and along with that, the idea of a life mate. A high school sweetheart may not prove to be a fit wife or husband, or even a fit parent for the children. There are married folk who will tell you that they never dated another boy or girl friend, but “went together” already in junior high and in high school, and still are perfectly happy. That is possible, but young people must be sure that they are meant for each other before they become serious in their courtship. Marriage must be the goal in dating, even though this is not discussed on the first date, and even though one is only seeking to become better acquainted.

The question could arise, who should make the approach? Should the girl ask the fellow, or should she wait until she is asked? It may sound a bit old fogyish in a day of women’s lib, yet I still think that it is the prerogative of the boy to ask the girl. A girl should not appear to be too aggressive. This does not mean that the girl sits quietly at home waiting for a phone call for her first date. If my observations do not deceive me, most girls have the natural ability to attract the attention of the young man that interests them. A girl does not throw herself at a man, nor does she use foul tactics to win him, as if anything is fair in love or war. Still, winsome ways, her pleasant smile can do much to attract a boy’s attention.

One final remark in this connection. Do not neglect to pray. Scripture says that we must make all our needs known to God in heaven. Desiring a life mate is an essential need. Pray about it. Pray much. Pray that God may direct you to the mate of His choice to insure a happy marriage. In olden times, the father sought out a mate for his son or his daughter. Children had to be content with the arrangements that the parents made. You would not like that, would you? Yet be sure to read the Scriptural account of Abraham’s servant going to Haran to get a wife for Isaac. Realizing that this undertaking was much too big for him to handle, he committed the whole matter to the Lord. His answer came sooner than he expected. No one could be more certain than Isaac that he had received a wife from the Lord, and that as answer to prayer.

*This legal aspect is a new concept in these articles. I hope to refer to this in detail later.

Next time: Courtship.