In the Beginning, Gas

(An excerpt from the newest, most revised translation of the Bible, as Moses should have written it.)

1. In the beginning, gas existed.
2. And the gas was a shapeless mass; and it was dark. And God’s spirit began to be operative.
3. And God said, “Let a shining sphere be formed.” And there was light.
4. And God saw the light, that it was good: And the rotation of the gas sphere caused light and darkness.
5. And the hours of light were called day and the time of darkness was called night. And each complete rotation, morning and evening, was a day.
6. And the gas began to cool and solidify, and steam and vapor arose.
7. And these separated slightly from the solidified earth so there was moisture in the clouds and water on the earth.
8. And the clouds and sky were called the heavens. And this billion-year process was complete.
9. And as the earth hardened and took definite shape, the waters flowed into the deeper places and dry land could be seen.
10. The dry land was called terra firm and the water was called aqua. And God noticed that things were going pretty good.
11. And so He planned to have the dry land become active and to produce plants. And it happened.
12. And the dry land did produce plants of all kinds: And God saw that things were developing quite well.
13. And this development took another long period of time.
14. Along with the sun, other lights had formed, not only to divide day from night, but to indicate seasons, days, and years.
15. And these lights also gave light to the earth.
16. These lights consisted of the sun, which shone during the day, and the nocturnal moon, not nearly as bright. There were also some stars.
17. These lights were in the sky so that they could shine upon the earth.
18. And so that they could regulate day and night, light and darkness. And God was pleased with the way this turned out also.
19. This, of course, took quite a while.
20. And God planned to have animal life come from the water, swimming fish in abundance and flying birds in the air. And it happened.
21. And with this planned fortuitous concourse, from the water came fish and fowl.
22. And God blessed these creatures and decided to let them continue to develop and reproduce.
23. And thus another era ended.
24. And God planned to have some of these creatures adapt themselves to land life. And some of them did.
25. Those who could adapt and survive stayed on the land and changed, in generations, to land creatures: beasts, cattle, and creeping things. And God saw that evolution was a wonderful process.
26. And God said, “One of these creatures ought to be turned into something special, into my image, and this creature, man, ought to have power over the lower forms of life and over brute creation.”
27. So, breathing into an ape, who had developed from the dust of the ground, God changed it into a man.
28. Man, like the rest of the animals, received a blessing and was told to reproduce and to rule creation as befitted a higher creature.
29. He was told that he might utilize all the plant life of earth for his advantage.
30. He was also informed that he might use and kill other animals as well as plants, and take them for food.
31. And God was satisfied when he saw how the whole evolutionary process had completed itself. And the last period of creation ended.